A Pair Of Wings.

Today is a day of a million feelings. A day of being home, and a day of being far far away.

I woke up this morning with a little lump in my throat and tugging on my heart, just a little, reminding myself that this was my last morning and my last day. And yet, everything around me spoke of comfort, of love, almost a false sense of security that I wasn't going anywhere. "I'm here. I'm still home."

Dishes being clanged and voices laughing and talking downstairs in the kitchen. A special breakfast being made, I remembered, in honour of our leaving. I started shoving my last few things into my suitcase. A few books, a skirt, a sweater. little things.

I looked at the clock. 2 hours.. only 2 hours left. We all sat down to a delicious breakfast, after a preliminary family selfie. Talking-talking-talking for the last time. Comfort all I feel, I love these people, my family. I love being me, more genuinely me than at any other time.

And after breakfast we're packing suitcases into the van, and the moments tick by faster and faster. And I begin the feel a little sick, and the tugging at my heart feels a little stronger. Now, I know I'm going to cry. I'm going to cry hard, and I won't be able to talk, and I wish it weren't so hard.

But it's the hardest just as we pull away, and first few miles of road take me further and further from the people that I love so much. But an hour or two down the road, something else starts trickling in. A gleam of hope. Is that what hope looks like? a little sparkle of excitement. Not the dying embers, but something new- just beginning and destined to grow bigger and bigger, and take over my whole being and gleam through my eyes eventually, defying all attempts at concealment. But then, who wants to conceal joy? It's a blessing and it's a wonderful thing. And let me say- if you ever feel the leastest gleam of happiness or joy or thrillingness in your life--- grasp at it- with everything you've got. revel in it. indulge in it. It's strength.

And so- by the time you've gotten to the airport and checked all your luggage in and gone through security and finally sit for a moment, just waiting now to board the flight-- All you can really think about is not what you've left behind anymore, but what's ahead. What's ahead? I have no idea- except that it will be utterly thrilling and different and interesting and challenging and entirely a good thing.

Next comes the flight- on a pair of wings high above earth and all earthly things. Similarly my spirit soaring and teaching me to believe- believe in the future and the present and the God who is my guide until my death. Every moment and I get a little more tense and nervous and excited as I just wait now for the boarding call. And we'll be off.

You Yourself Have Altered.

"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."

--Nelson Mandela

Forgive me, my macbook's front-facing camera is about as good as my laziness will allow me to get at this moment. But this is life, right now, new plaid skirts and sparkly sweaters-- the light from my window the only sunshine I really bother to get-- and strong consolations I find in God's word and am clinging to, positive I will need them presently.

You know what, forget it. I was going to wax eloquent in writing, but I'm pretty sure my fingers and brain have forgotten how to write properly. So let's just vlog what I really wanted to say, shall we?

Reflections.

"I remember working at the distribution center. In my big, clunky shoes and ill fitting jeans and hair pulled blandly into a side pony-tail. But with a mind that more often than not was way high up in the clouds. I remember walking across a busy warehouse full of noise and confusion and tired people and almost being surprised I couldn't hear the click of my heels and the swish of my delicate rose-hued gown (imaginary).

And, well, you know, it's not really our circumstances or surroundings- but our spirit, our courage, and our optimism that makes the difference. And sometimes tinkling earrings, and sometimes red nails, and sometimes just a different pair of shoes is enough to make a day a wonderful adventure."

New Years Resolutions.

Here we go, the obligatory 'new years resolutions' everyone makes, every year. And here I am, making the very cliche-est of the cliche.

But why not?

Why not try to be better- do better? If even for the 24th time after 23 failures- to try again is still better than to give up hope.

So here are mine- you've seen them a million times before. But hey- I had a free afternoon and an itching to let the graphic designer inside me come out for a little bit.

And so, I resolve.